Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Found the puke drawer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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