The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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