Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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