my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
