will power is for people who don't want to get laid
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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