FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
