is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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