I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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