Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
