I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
