You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize