In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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