just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
