I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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