apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
