Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
