i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
