I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize