the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
