she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize