Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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