Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
