it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
