As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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