How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
