My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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