Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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