Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
