please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The Olympian is in my bed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize