I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
