Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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