just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
