idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
