She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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