in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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