I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize