took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
