Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize