Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
