Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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