Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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