you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
