I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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