Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Two words: nipple clamps
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