Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ttyl tear gas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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