why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
