I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
