all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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