VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
