I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
