i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
