At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
