i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
soo... how was my night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
