mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
