I'm gonna have a badass scar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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