i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
