there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize