You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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