I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
