and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
