im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize