But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
