Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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