I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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