what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
