Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
