i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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