Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
