Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
