Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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