she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
