I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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