I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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