you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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