beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
