Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
