Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize