Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
