Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
