I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
