he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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