My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize