I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
