You're completely useless in the revolution.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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