Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
