your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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