she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
