would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
