i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
