"it" just moved
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
