He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
