Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
