doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
