my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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