Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and she was petting her beer can
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
