Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
