His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
