Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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